There’s always a moment, in December, when it happens. It doesn’t matter how balanced, aware or “vaccinated” you are against social media: you open Instagram almost absentmindedly and, within a few minutes, you find yourself immersed in an orderly sequence of smiles, tastefully set tables, apparently harmonious families and atmospheres so perfect that they seem slightly unreal.
You, in the meantime, are on the sofa, perhaps even serene, but not crossed by that cinematic enthusiasm that seems to pervade everyone else. You’re fine, yes, but not Like this. And without even realizing it, a subtle question begins to emerge, never too explicit, but insistent: Is it possible that at Christmas I can’t feel as I should?
When it’s not sadness, but simple social comparison working in the background
The point is that, very often, it’s not real sadness. There is not necessarily a defined pain or negative event. Rather, there is a continuous, silent, almost automatic comparison that is activated without asking permission.
Social psychology has been explaining it for some time: comparing ourselves to others is a basic human need. Leon Festinger, already in the 1950s, spoke of social comparison as a tool we use to orient ourselves, to understand if we are “doing well”, if we are adequate, if we are in line. At Christmas, however, this mechanism is not limited to comparing lives: it compares emotions.
And it does so in a period in which there is a strong cultural expectation according to which one should feel happy, grateful, united, possibly even a little moved, but in the right way.
Christmas and the paradox of happiness
A recent social psychology study, published in November 2025 and conducted by researchers from the UniSR-Social.Lab area, focuses precisely on this point and defines it without mincing words: paradox of Christmas happiness.
The paradox arises like this: the more a society insists on the idea that a certain period must be happy, the more the probability increases that many people will feel inadequate when that happiness does not arrive, or arrives in forms different from those expected.
The researchers explain that social media does not create social comparison, but amplifies it and makes it constant, especially during the holidays. At Christmas, in fact, the platforms are filled with images that show only what works: successful moments, peaceful relationships, well-groomed intimacies. This type of exposure favors what in psychology is called upward social comparison, i.e. the tendency to compare oneself with those who appear happier, more satisfied, more “fine”.
The interesting fact is that this comparison is not deliberate. We don’t sit around thinking “now I’m comparing myself to others”. It just happens, because the human brain is made that way.
Because the Christmas comparison is almost always distorted
The problem isn’t Instagram itself, but how we use it as a yardstick. Social media works like a showcase: they show an accurate selection of reality, not all of it. Nobody lies openly, but almost nobody talks about the complexity. We don’t see the discussions before dinner, the silences after, the accumulated tiredness, the relationships that work “every other day”. Let’s see the best fragment, the shareable one, the one that fits perfectly into the collective idea of a “successful Christmas”.
And so, as we observe those images, we end up comparing our complete experience, made up of mixed and contradictory emotions, with a collage of selected moments. The result is almost always the same: a vague feeling of lack, even when nothing concrete is missing.
The study also highlights another fundamental aspect: Christmas is not just a celebration, but an emotional norm. It not only tells us what to do, but suggests how we should feel. Happy, reconciled, grateful, possibly at peace with the past and with those around us. When these emotions don’t come spontaneously, many people don’t read them as a simple variation of human experience, but as a personal mistake. And that’s where discomfort arises, not so much from the emotion itself, but from the judgment we apply to it.
A real Christmas is made up of emotions that don’t all fit in the same picture
The truth, not very instagrammable, is that real Christmas is often made up of emotions that coexist without asking permission: affection and tiredness, presence and nostalgia, beautiful moments and others that are simply bearable. It’s not a failure, it’s a normal human condition.
Understanding how social comparison works is not about “stop comparing”, but about doing it with a little more clarity. It serves as a reminder that what we see online is not a measure of our worth or the quality of our relationships. If you don’t feel as happy as Instagram today, then, you’re not doing Christmas wrong. You’re just living yours, without filters, without editing and without having to prove anything to anyone.
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