Let’s say it right away: aiming for “happiness at all costs” is the quickest way to feel like a failure. Much more sensible, however, is to look for something that resembles satisfaction in solid life, the kind that resists even when the world decides to make the world, or mess up our plans.
Clinical psychologist Jennifer Guttman, who has been working with people who always feel “not enough” for over twenty years, has put together a method that is very far from motivational mantras, “think positive” or bar advice. His approach comes from cognitive-behavioral therapy and hundreds of true stories: people who have tried everything, made mistakes, got back up, and in the end learned to be self-sufficient.
The concept is clear: you cannot control others, nor the traffic, nor the weather, nor the colleague who breathes loudly. But you can control how you act. And that’s where satisfaction in life is built. Guttman has identified six techniques, concrete and applicable to anyone, which allow you to feel effective, centered and – a somewhat rare word today – really good about yourself.
Stop making assumptions
How many times have we decided what to do based on what they are “surely thinking”?
Well, according to Guttman it’s the perfect recipe for self-sabotage. The point is this: actions must start from facts, not from mental films. The more we get used to checking them, the more confident we become. And we discover that nine times out of ten, the story we imagined didn’t exist at all.
Reduce the temptation to please everyone
“People pleasing” is a trap: it makes you always say yes, it makes you feel indispensable and leaves you empty.
And no, it doesn’t make relationships stronger. It just makes you more tired. Living authentically means listening to what you want, not what others expect from you. And that’s where healthy relationships begin, those in which you don’t have to earn the other’s presence with continuous sacrifices.
Face fears
Fear must not be “overcome”: it must be understood, accepted and transformed. If you avoid it, it grows. If you observe it, it becomes a signal: it tells you that you are touching something important to you. Every time you face a small fear, you expand your world. And above all, you go up a level in the perception you have of yourself.
Making decisions without waiting for absolute certainty (which will never arrive)
One of the reasons we stand still? The idea that there is a perfect choice. Too bad this isn’t the case. The truth is that almost all decisions — college, job, city, home — can be changed. And the more you choose, the more you realize that your self-esteem does not arise from the result, but from the action.
Close what opens
“Getting started” is always the fun part. “Finishing”, on the other hand, is for adults. Guttman insists a lot on this point: completing a task, even a small one, is a very powerful injection of self-efficacy. It means saying to yourself: “I can count on myself”. And this changes everything.
Self-reinforce
No, it’s not enough to think “well done to me”. The brain wants something concrete: a theater ticket, a steaming pizza, a book, a walk overlooking the sea. Something that clearly says, “You did something difficult, and you deserve a reward.” Training this type of internal reinforcement leads to the greatest freedom: no longer depending on the judgment of others to feel valid.
A satisfaction in life that is not made of euphoria, but of stability
Guttman’s method does not promise perpetual happiness (fortunately). It promises something more realistic: a form of stubborn resilience, one that allows you to remain yourself even when there is chaos outside.
The six techniques work because they shift your focus from what you can’t control to what you can build. And when you start applying them, one after another, you discover that satisfaction in life is not a fluke: it’s a habit.
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