The Michelangelo phenomenon reveals how a partner can help you grow, supporting you in achieving your goals and bringing you closer to your ideal self
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Have you ever thought about being in a relationship that makes you feel like the best version of yourself? According to a study published in Current Directions in Psychological Sciencethere is a concept called “Michelangelo phenomenon”which describes relationships in which partners help each other sculpt and reveal their potential. Like an artist shapes stone to bring out its hidden beauty, a partner who actively supports us can help us achieve our dreams, overcome our limits and bring us closer to our ideal self.
But how does this dynamic manifest itself in a relationship? Here you are two key signals that your partner could be your greatest ally in personal growth.
Feel deeply supported
The first and most obvious sign of the Michelangelo phenomenon is having a partner next to you authentically supports your dreams and ambitionswishing for your success in every aspect of life. A 2017 study, published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletinhas shown that supportive relationships not only boost self-esteem, but also provide a secure base from which to tackle new challenges. Emotional support from a partner reduces anxiety and fuels confidence in your abilities, pushing you to step out of your comfort zone.
Sometimes just knowing you have someone who believes in you is enough to push you towards big changes. Researchers have found that even a simple reminder of a supportive partner can influence important decisions: for example, choosing a job that fosters personal growth rather than one that simply pays well.
An example? In a relationship characterized by this phenomenon, your partner celebrates your successes and reflects the best of youhelping you to internalize your strengths and qualities. As he says Davea participant in a 2015 study:
Being married to my wife is helping me achieve my dreams and goals. It’s like he’s shaping me, helping me become the person I want to be.
Be the best version of yourself
Another hallmark of a relationship based on the Michelangelo phenomenon is the feeling of getting closer and closer to your ideal version. You feel more authentic, more “yourself” than in the pastthanks to the security and trust that your partner inspires in you.
A study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science highlighted that relationships that promote personal growth increase well-being and authenticity. This doesn’t mean changing who you are, but embracing new perspectives, freeing yourself from old insecurities, and developing parts of yourself you may have never explored. A concrete example? Beckya participant in the same study, says:
I was a pretty defensive person before I met my partner. He helped me feel more open and confident in myself.
When your partner encourages you to face your fears and express your dreams, it helps you flourish. This type of support, however, does not create a new version of you, but rather reveals who you have always been.
With age, the value of this type of relationship becomes even more evident. A 2018 study highlights how, as we age, being seen by our partner as our “ideal self” becomes increasingly important for satisfaction in the relationship.
If you are in a relationship that makes you feel supported and closer to your ideal self, consider this a precious gift. It’s an amazing opportunity to explore your potential and, at the same time, help your partner do the same. Together, you can become the best versions of yourself, just like two hands working in harmony to sculpt a unique and beautiful work of art.
