Cohabitation: romantic and courageous, but often underestimated: the right questions before doing the big step help to prevent conflicts, respect their spaces and build a healthy relationship
There is a more or less romantic moment, more or less lucid, in which you find yourself in front of the sacred grail of the life of a couple: coexistence. It’s a bit like buying a house with a perfect stranger who, however, knows all your paranoia by heart. So yes, going to live together is a gesture of love, but also a political, economic, psychological and vaguely masochistic act.
When you decide to go and live, the heart beats strong and the head is filled with poetic images: breakfasts together, shared sofa, plants to water in turn. Then the real life happens: socks everywhere, bills to be divided and discussions on why Yes, the dishwasher was created to wash the dishes and must be loaded.
The truth? Going to live is a gesture of love, of course, but also an emotional maturity testorganizational and psychological. That’s why before doing the bags and arrange the toothbrush next to that of the partner, it is important to stop and reflect on Some fundamental questions. Those who do a little bad, but save. Those who avoid you to transform the house into a tragicomic theater.
What does it really mean living together?
Cohabitation does not only mean “sleeping together all nights” or “dividing a rent”. AND An intertwining of habits, spaces, needs, silences and wordsoften disagree with each other. Before starting, it is essential to ask yourself (and ask together) some questions. No, let’s not talk about compatibility quizzes: let’s talk about awareness.
Do we have the same idea of ”home”?
For a “home” it is a temple of order and silence. For the other it is a creative refuge where each object has its own life and the socks express themselves freely. The question to be asked is: Do you feel both at home in the same space? It is not necessary to be the same, but to know fitrespecting the needs of the other. After all, even differences can become harmony, if recognized and managed.
How do we organize with the expenses?
The money is a taboo that it is better to face Before to argue for those who paid the last bill.
Better to clarify immediately:
Love can a lot, but A good financial plan as a couple It can avoid several frustrations.
Do we fight constructively?
No couple is immune from discussions. The point is Knowing how to fight well. There are those who scream, those who close in silence, those who pretend nothing and accumulate anger as if it were a points collection. It is better to ask: When we get angry, can we understand each other or we wound? Arguing is not a problem. It is not being able to find yourself later.
Do we respect our personal spaces?
Coexistence does not mean forced symbiosis. Sometimes you need to read a book in silence, watch a movie alone or simply don’t speak. We manage to respect the need for the autonomy of the otherwithout feeling neglected? A healthy relationship is the one in which you can be together without necessarily doing everything together.
Do we really share the same goals?
Do we want children? Where do we dream of living? Do we agree on what “future” means? Sometimes you spend more time choose the color of the curtains than to talk about planning. But coexistence is also (and above all) A step towards something. Better to clarify before discovering, between a dinner and a washing machine, that one dreams of the wedding and the other a house in the mountains … alone.
Do we choose every day?
Over time, love changes shape. Passion turns, the habit takes space. But the question remains: We still choose every day? The “I love you” whispered between one yawn and the other are not enough. Need daily gestures, care, presence. Even just asking: “How are you today?”. And no, it is not worth “all right” as a response if the refrigerator with anger is slammed.
Can we take care of ourselves?
ATTENTION: living together does not mean cancel. You are not the personal assistant of the other, neither his nurse, nor his official motivator. Coexistence works When both remain complete individualswith their own spaces, dreams, interests. Loving does not mean sacrificing yourself until exhaustionbut respect yourself to the point to never lose sight of yourself.
More questions = less disasters
There is no infallible guide to perfect coexistence. But ask yourself the right questions can help starting on the right foot, without illusions, but with confidence. Because choosing to share everyday life with someone is one of the most beautiful, but also more complex experiences.
So yes: before furnishing your living room, furnish your intentions. Talk, listen, ask. Because sometimes, the real test of love is to stop, look at you in the eye and say: “Are we ready to really do it?”. And if the answer is yes, that it is lightly, honesty … and some plant to be cured together.
