A manipulator partner knows how to hide his attitudes: recognizing the signals of emotional manipulation is the first step to break the toxic cycle and resume control of one’s life
They tell you that a partner must be kind, caring, attentive. And maybe at the beginning it is also. Then, however, you begin to feel guilty for no reason, to doubt your skills, to lose pieces of yourself without even realizing it. And that’s where you understand that something does not come back. There emotional manipulation It does not come as a summer storm: it is a thin, constant drizzle that soaks you without you realizing it. But the good news is that, once the signals have been recognized, you can open the umbrella and take away from the boxes who tries to ruin your life.
According to the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (DSM-5for those who love light readings), certain manipulative techniques are the daily bread of some personality disorders, such as narcissism or borderline. And, needless to say, toxic relationships of this type make anxiety, depression and a nice post traumatic disorder (PTSD) splash to the stars.
Emotional manipulation: the survival kit
If it were easy to recognize, there would be fewer people trapped in toxic relationships. But no, the problem is that certain mechanisms slide on you so slowly that when you realize you are drowned it is too late. Let’s see some alarm bell together.
Makes you feel guilty even when you did nothing
Do you know when you have the impression of having made a mistake, but don’t you know exactly what? Here, it’s not that you are crazy, it’s that someone is having fun washing you brain. The sense of guilt is the perfect remote control to control you, and those who use it knows very well what they are doing.
Examples of toxic phrases on special offer:
If you find yourself apologizing for the mere fact of existing, perhaps it is appropriate to review two or three things.
Isolates you without you noticing it
At the beginning it is thin: a joke about friends, a criticism of your family, a crooked look when you say you want to go out with someone who is not him/her. Then, you find yourself canceling appointments, to reduce contacts, to think: “Maybe he’s right, maybe they really don’t really understand me”. And before you realize it, your world becomes as big as the sofa of your home.
It makes you doubt yourself (aka: Gaslighting)
Here you play dirty. Gaslighting is that nice technique with which someone can make you question your memory, your perception and, in the long run, your health care.
Gaslighting pearls:
The result? You end up trusting more than its version than your memory. Congratulations, you won a nice pack of chronic insecurity.
Alternates affection and coldness (casino effect)
One day you are his reason for life, the next day he ignores you. This game is called intermittent reward And it is the same mechanism that creates dependence in casino. The poor brain is convinced that if you wait enough, he will return to reward you. Too bad that it does not work like this, neither in jamb nor in toxic relationships.
Devalues what you feel and do you do
Did you take a promotion? “Yes, but in the end it’s nothing special.” Do you feel down for something? “But stop, always complain.”
The strategy is clear: reduce your self -esteem to a pile of dust, so as to be easier to control.
How to get rid of a toxic partner without ending up in a dramatic film
Ok, you just understood that there is something wrong. And now? Now it’s about getting out of it, and doing it in the right way.
Stop finding excuses
No, it is not “passing a bad period”. No, it won’t “change thanks to your love”. No, not “it’s your fault because sometimes you are heavy”. It is toxic, point.
Resume contacts with those who love you
If you have removed friends and family, it’s time to go back to your steps. Social support is essential not to fall into the toxic vortex.
Learn to say “no” without feeling guilty
You have the right to refuse absurd requests without having to write a treaty to justify yourself. And no, you are not selfish: you are just tired of getting your feet on your head.
Currency to get help from an expert
A therapist can be of great help to reconstruct self -esteem and dismantle the toxic beliefs that inculcated you. And no, it doesn’t mean you are crazy.
Remember: merits better
If someone makes you feel wrong instead of a loved one, the question is only one: What are you still doing there? Love is not suffering, sacrifice and humiliation.
Love is feeling at home. And if your home has become a prison, maybe it’s time to change address.
