Dark empaths, a new and devious type of manipulator, appear caring and sensitive but in reality exploit empathy for selfish purposes
We thought that the narcissism were the most toxic form of personality and instead a new trend on social media brings us a new figure: the dark empaths. They sound like comic book characters, but no, they are very real, and even more so dangerous than we imagine. Unlike narcissists, these individuals have an extra weapon: they know how to read other people’s emotions and use them for their own advantage.
Dark empaths, whose definition emerged from one 2021 studycombine empathy and disturbing sides of the personality, such as narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism. Far from being an “empathetic person”! They are not satisfied with understanding your emotions; they use them, like a kit of tools ready to disarm you. Clear example of “wolves in sheep’s clothing”, I am capable of manipulate the other, often so subtly that victims don’t realize they are being controlled.
Empathy or manipulation?
Normally, empathy is synonymous with listening and support. In dark empaths, however, it is as if it had been turned inside out like a dirty sock. They know exactly how you feel and what you think, but they use this information to figure out which strings to pull to manipulate you. Nadja Heymprofessor of Psychology and co-author of the study, describes this process as awareness without involvement: they understand your mental state only to predict and control your reactions. In practice, “they know how to hit you where it hurts the most“.
Dark empaths act in a perfectly strategic manner. They enter the lives of others by pretending to be benefactors, gain trust and then… bring out the dark side. In a romantic relationship, for example, if the partner (say a partner who is rediscovering her own strength and autonomy) gets a promotion, a dark empath might sense a threat to her control and, consequently, begin to subtly but constant. The goal is to keep her at a lower security level, where he can be “in command.”
How to recognize a dark empath?
Identifying a dark empath is not easy, especially since they know how to disguise themselves. However, there are some details that can help you unmask them:
- They use kindness as a weapon: When someone is only kind if it helps them get something, alarm bells should ring.
- They show an unexpected coldness towards those who do not serve them: they can go from apparent sensitivity to total indifference with those who are not functional to their purposes.
- They make you feel guilty: when things don’t go the way they want, it’s you who made the mistake, not them.
As experts point out, one of the reasons why it is so difficult to identify them is precisely this duplicity: capable of apparent empathy, they use their sensitivity to manipulate. To protect yourself, carefully observe how they behave, especially in group situations where control is more difficult to maintain.
To defend yourself from dark empaths, it is crucial to develop a healthy dose of skepticism and not fall into the trap of their one-sided kindness. Setting clear boundaries and not allowing anyone to isolate you from your loved ones can make a difference. Dark empaths rely on the trust they can build, therefore, having a space and a network of relationships outside their orbit is the best antidote against their manipulations.
