Closing a sentimental relationship is never simple, nor for those who take the initiative nor for those who suffer it. But is there a right way to do it? And above all, What are the most common strategies to end an emotional relationship? A new research published in the scientific journal Personality and Individual Differences try to give a concrete answer to these questions, mapping well 45 different modes through which people say “it’s over”.
The data, collected by a team from the University of Nicosia led by Menelaos Apostolou and Antonios Kagialis, highlight three great trends: “Sofar the blow”, “take a break” and “avoid comparison”. The most widespread? The one who tries to be as painful as possible for both sides.
Soft the blow is the most widespread strategy
The research involved beyond 600 participants of Greek language And it took place in two phases. In the first, 228 people (122 women and 105 men) were invited to imagine themselves within an unhappy relationship and describe how they would interrupted it. 45 specific methods emerged from the answers, ranging from direct comparison to absolute silence.
In the second step, 392 participants indicated how much they were inclined to use each method. In addition, they have compiled psychological tests to measure personality traits according to the Big Five model (opening, conscientiousness, extroversion, friendship, neuroticism) and the traits of the so -called Dark triad: Narcissism, Machiavellism and Psychopathy.
The 45 ways were then organized in nine recurring strategiesincluding:
All these strategies were then traced back to Three main categories:
- Sweeten the blowthe most frequent (chosen by about 86% of the participants), includes sincere explanations, assumption of responsibility and attempts to demonstrate that separation can be positive for both.
- Take a breakadopted by 24%, is a way to test the possibility of starting again, without a clear and definitive break.
- Avoid comparisonused only by 16%, includes all those ways that aim to close the relationship without discussions or explanations.
Apostolou explained the results as follows: “People tend to prefer strategies that minimize emotional painboth for themselves and for the partner. The most used approach is the one who tries to be empathic and justified “.
The personality influences the method chosen? Yes, but only in part
An interesting part of the study concerns the link between personality traits and breaking strategies. The researchers noticed that:
However, these bonds have proved to be weak and not very significant: In most cases, the differences related to sex, age or psychological characteristics are minimal. According to the authors, this suggests that The strategies adopted to close a relationship are rather universal and predictableperhaps influenced more by social norms and cultural factors than by individual personality.
What this search tells us about our way of loving (and letting go)
Although the study offered important ideas, the same authors recognize some limits: All the participants were Greek and collected are based on hypothetical answers, not on real behaviors. Furthermore, since it is an online sample, the results are not representative of the entire population.
But the starting point that leaves us is precious: The way we leave tells a lot about how we love. Try not to hurt, face with honesty or, on the contrary, disappear into thin air says something of our courage, our empathy and our emotional maturity.
“My goal,” explained Apostolou, “it is better to understand the functioning of intimate relationships. And to do so, we must observe not only as they start, but also how they end”.
In the future, similar searches could focus on how these strategies work in realityif they lead to more serene and aware breaks, and as factors like the style of attachment or the culture of belonging can influence the whole process. A useful knowledge not only at theoretical level, but also for those who work in psychological support and helping relationships.
