Not all criticisms are constructive: learning to distinguish between sincere observations and judgments that regain self -confidence is fundamental
There are criticism and criticism. Those that make you grow, like: “Love, perhaps it would be better if I talked to the psychologist instead of with Alexa”. And then there are those that, although disguised as loving advice, They make you feel like a Tarocca bag abandoned on sale at the end of the season.
In the couple, the more you expose yourself, the more you are fragile. The more let the other enter, the more his judgment – even when it is disguised as “I tell you for your good” – it comes to you, like a fist under the diaphragm. The problem is not criticism in itself. AND how you receive it. And as you bring it on you. The truth is that Not all criticisms are good. Some build, of course. But others, more subtle, slowly crumble personal safety. The problem is that often these two forms confuse and risk taking everything on their shoulders, always feeling inadequate.
To manage the partner’s criticisms in a healthy way, it is important listen carefully What is said and wondering: “Are you criticizing me as a person or my behavior?”. A constructive criticism focuses on what can be improved, while a destructive judgment tends to blame. Here’s how to recognize the difference.
If you feel wrong every time you tell you something, it’s not a criticism: it’s an alarm
Accepting observations is important. But there is a thin line between a feedback that helps us grow and a criticism that sinks us. And when the latter arrives from those who are closer to usthe impact is even deeper.
A healthy criticism starts from a concrete need, it is expressed with respect and aims to improve the relationship. Toxic criticism, however, affects identitynot behavior. It is not “this thing you do hurts me”, but “you are badly done”. If after each discussion you feel smaller, more fragile, more guilty, Maybe you are not listening to an opinion, but undergoing a judgment. And no, it’s not just “hypersensitivity”: it is emotional survival.
The Crocerossin effect: when love becomes sacrifice
Growing with the myth of altruism at all costs has left a deep mark. They taught us to be welcoming, including, capable of putting us in the role of the other. And often, this translates into justify every word of the partnereven when it hurts.
“He does it because he is stressed.”
“He loves me, but he has his own way to communicate.”
“He didn’t want to hurt me.”
Sometimes it’s true. Sometimes not. The point is that We are not obliged to act as an emotional lightning rod for those who criticize us continuously. If each sentence puts us on the defensive or makes us doubt our value, it is no longer a communication, but of unbalanced dynamics.
Defend your self -esteem
In every relationship, even in the best, there will be misunderstandings, different points of view, words out of place. But Managing the criticism of the partner without losing self -esteem is possibleas long as I train a healthy self -awareness. Here are some useful strategy:
- Stop before reacting
When a sentence hurts you, take a step back. Literally. Take a few seconds to breathe. Anger, disappointment or sadness are normal. But responding immediately can worsen everything. Responding, not reacting, is the first form of self -defense. - Ask clarification
Reformulates what you have heard: “You are telling me that this thing annoys you, not that I am inadequate, right?”. This helps to report communication on a more constructive level and allows the other to take responsibility for the words used. - Learn to recognize the boundaries
Being open to comparison does not mean accepting everything. If a criticism repeats itself obsessively or makes you feel constantly in the defect, perhaps it is time to redesign the boundaries. Not all relationships are balanced, and not all words are said for love. - Cultivate your autonomy
Self -esteem is strengthened even outside the relationship. Have passions, personal spaces, moments in which you are not “the partner of” but youin your uniqueness, is essential. The more you invest in you, the less you will be vulnerable to the judgment of others.
If a relationship exhausts you, it is not love: it is emotional survival
The biggest trap? Think that true love is sacrifice. That if you suffer, it’s because you care. But Love does not ask for the account of your self -esteem. He does not demand silence. It does not make you feel in continuous debt.
Sometimes, we remain in relationships that exhaust us for fear of staying alone, so as not to have to start over, or because they have convinced us that “nobody will ever understand us like him”. But The truth is that nobody will save usif we do not start ourselves a stop justify the pain.
The value of a word: change the way we speak (and listen) is revolutionary
Words have enormous power. They can heal or hurt, create intimacy or distance, generate trust or instill doubt. In a couple, The quality of communication is directly proportional to the quality of the bond.
For this, learn to defend your own voice and at the same time really listen to that of the other It is an act of love. For himself, and for the relationship. But if the tone is always that of a reproach, if every conversation becomes a court, if the only one who is always wrong is you … then it is not a question of communication, but of respect. AND No love is as well as your mental well -being.
