Available the fourth episode of “Good luck“, The podcast that explores in every detail the theme of gender -based violence, with psychological and legal stories and contributions.
Co-produced by Buytron and Greenme, find the podcast on all the platforms. Each episode (in total 7 + 2 extra) faces a crucial knot: from psychological to economic violence, from violence to the rehabilitation paths for those who commit violence, involving professionals, activists and victims.
The new episode, with the participation of the psychologist and psychotherapist Andrea Bernettifocuses on therapeutic and rehabilitation paths for men authors of violence, going beyond the punitive logic to understand the profound roots of these actions.
We are discussed how often these men are perceived as victims, of a mentality possessive in relationships and a male identity issue in crisis, where self -esteem is linked to the external recognition and maintenance of a historical privilege.
A strong but necessary episode, which underlines the importance of recognizing one’s violent thoughts and seeking help in advance, highlighting the role of solitude and idealization in relationships as potential risk indicators.
The fourth episode, the slow trial towards the acceptance of the “defeat”
Dr. Andrea Bernetti starts from a now obvious data: male violence on women is a phenomenon with a clear one historical relevanceanthropological and cultural. Historically, man was almost an “institution of power”, a subject with his own prestige in the social context. This status gave him an a priori value and privileges, such as the freedom to act without having to justify himself, unlike the woman.
However, this prestige collapsed. The change in the order of power, where the traditionally submissive subjects are no longer, is often perceived by men not as a liberation for others, but as a “loss of a freedom” or a privilege they previously possessed. This translates into a “victim claim” by those who once held power.
Here: the dynamics of violence is closely linked to a profound identity question, which is rattled in several places.
What are the causes that contribute to this crisis of male identity?
First of all, says Bernetti, the cultural change: today’s society seems to promote the idea of being “star” or “nothing”, and traditional memberships (family, neighborhood, work, religion, school) have lost their identity value and the ability to narrate who you are.
Then there is the influence of social media: identity is increasingly defined by an image, leading to a constant search for an external image that confirms existence and value. The lack, then, of significant belonging outside the couple relationship causes the couple’s relationship to assume a function of legitimacy in the very high social context. Being alone at 60 or 20 years of age is perceived as a failure or a problem.
And not only that: although the current context does not allow it anymore, man still brings the expectation to express power or prestige as a man.
Therefore this is the concept that emerges from this interesting episode: the man who acts violence is actually in a profound suffering, obsessed with controlling and possessing, trapped in a situation that has already escaped him from hand. Violence becomes a “way out”, an “extreme simplification system” to deal with the complexity of relationships and identities. Dating a “enemy” is perceived as much easier than building shared language or managing expectations with a friend.
The “fallen nobility” and the management of emotions
Dr. Bernetti defines the current male identity as a “decayed nobility” accept one’s fragility. Historically, man was not “granted” to cry or show reasons to cry and such a cultural history meant that men have less experience in “Hold” the weight of difficult emotions such as anger and sadnessUnlike women who had to “endure this suffering” for millennia. The imagination is that getting rid of these emotions or canceling them with relief, instead of learning to manage them.
An important indicator of the tendency to violence is the inability to accept defeat. Those who do not know how to accept a loss or a defeat can get to anything in order not to lose, perceiving the end of an experience like the “end of the world”.
Solutions then? Recognizing the thought that leads to violence is fundamental. The therapeutic paths for men who act violence, such as those offered by the center where Dr. Bernetti operates, try to work on this, not only as punishment but also as a prevention, intervening before the crime repeats or, ideally, before it happens.
Sociality and the ability to stay in relation are strong positive indicators. On the other hand, loneliness or excessive idealization (when a person or activity is the only emotional investment) are alarm signals, especially if the alternative is “nothing”.
Hence a fundamental thing: be honest and honest In recognizing certain dynamics and asking for help when you live an inner “turmoil” or find yourself in relationships that cause suffering is the first thing to do in order not to fall into the abyss. Try to teach it and transmit this urgent need.
