It is not an invitation to inertia, nor to ignore your children. Rather, it is a conscious approach, which requires a certain degree of self-control. The idea is clear: first of all, regulate your emotions. It’s not an easy task, but the first step in helping little ones manage their emotions is for the adult to lead by example.
The why behind this strategy
When a child explodes in a tantrum, the natural temptation is to react. Answer, explain, maybe even raise your voice. But this very behavior can fuel the emotional spiral, transforming a simple complaint into a war of nerves, therefore, we must avoid falling into the “trap” of tantrums.
The key is to take a break and regain control of yourself. Breathe deeply, put your thoughts in order and consider how to respond in a balanced way. Because, let’s face it: how can we expect a child to calm down, if we ourselves look like a volcano about to erupt?
What “doing nothing” really means
The idea of “doing nothing” might seem counterintuitive. How can the absence of action help in a tense situation? In reality, this expression hides a series of subtle but powerful behaviors. It’s not about abandoning the field or pretending the problem doesn’t exist. Rather, it is about:
Basically, it’s a way to convey to your children that their emotions are valid, but without fueling the flames of conflict.
A concrete example: the morning fight
Let’s imagine a familiar scene: a quiet morning that degenerates in a few moments. One child complains about breakfast, another whines because his favorite sweatshirt is dirty. Usually, the parent responds with an escalation of sentences: “It’s not that big of a deal, get another sweater!” or “Stop making unnecessary fuss!”.
But this time something changes. Instead of reacting, the parent sighs, looks at the child sympathetically and simply says, “You would like the sweatshirt to be clean, right?” No sermons, no discussions, just a moment of emotional recognition.
The result? A change of pace. The child chooses another sweatshirt, and the morning continues without further shocks. This little experiment shows how powerful not overreacting is.
Effectiveness vs being right
Another central point of this strategy is the change of perspective. Parents often feel the need to “be right” in discussions with their children. But is it really worth winning a verbal battle with a three-year-old? Probably not.
Being effective is more important than proving you are right. When parents focus on calming the situation rather than pushing their point of view, they create an environment where the child feels heard. And this, in the long term, favors a more harmonious relationship.
The internal work of the parent
Doing nothing, however, does not mean that the parent makes no effort. On the contrary, it requires a great capacity for introspection. While on the outside it seems that the parent simply observes, internally a process is triggered which involves:
This sort of invisible work is what makes the strategy effective.
When it really works
The techniques just observed do not work like a magic wand: they do not solve all problems and do not eliminate tantrums instantly. However, they can make a big difference in the most heated moments of crisis. Children learn by observing, and seeing a parent remain calm in a difficult situation teaches them a valuable lesson.
Furthermore, not overreacting reduces general tension, preventing small daily problems from turning into epochal dramas.
Advice for parents
Experimenting with the above methods takes practice and patience. It’s normal to make mistakes, especially when stress is through the roof. But every attempt counts. And in the long run, such an approach can become second nature, while improving relationships with children and the emotional well-being of the entire family.
After all, sometimes, the best way to deal with a tantrum is to do less, not more.
We leave you with the video of Dr. Becky Kennedy:
https://www.today.com/parents/moms/dr-becky-do-nothing-rcna183638
