Couple conflicts are not the problem, but the way they are addressed can make the difference between a solid relationship and a intended for bankruptcy
Arguing in pairs is a very normal thing. It is part of the package, like the laundry to be divided, the toothpaste tube squeezed in the wrong way and the mystery of the disappeared sock. If you thought that a happy relationship was without conflicts, I’m sorry to disappoint you: even the most close -knit couple every now and then, even animatedly. The difference makes it the way you do it. Yes, because quarrels are not the problem, but how we face them It can make the difference between a growth relationship and one that crumbles like a biscuit soaked too long in the coffee.
Why is fighting well?
No, it is not an invitation to launch dishes as in the best Italian comedies. But the conflict, if managed with maturity and respect, can be a precious resource. Why?
- Brings out hidden problems: If everything seems to be fine, but then suddenly exploded because your partner has forgotten to buy oat milk, perhaps the problem is not milk, but something deeper you have ignored too long.
- Helps to know each other better: Discussing forces you to express what you really feel. And to discover new sides (beautiful or not) of the person you have next to you.
- Strengthen the link: overcome a conflict together helps to create complicity and trust. It is a bit like climbing a mountain: if you arrive at the top together, the view is even more beautiful.
- Prevents the accumulation of grudge: arguing serves to let off steam and clarify. Accumulating dissatisfactions, on the other hand, only leads to imploded … or to blow everything up in the air in the worst way.
In short, arguing with the partner is not absolute evil. The real problem is When you do it in the wrong way.
The errors that transform a quarrel into a nuclear disaster
There are ways and ways of discussing. One constructive, the other worthy of an episode of There is mail for you horror version. Here’s what NOT Do:
Attack the person, not the problem
Saying “you are a disaster” is different to say “I feel frustrated when I don’t respect a commitment”. In the first case I humble it, in the second communicate a need. Guess which one works best.
Take out the past like a cia detective
If you are discussing something that happened today, Avoid dusting out issues of five years ago. A quarrel must have a beginning and an end, not to be a marathon of accumulated grudges.
Use sarcasm as a lethal weapon
“Of course, because you are perfect, right?” It sounds more like an arrow than as an attempt to solve something. And spoiler: never helps.
Run instead of facing
If each discussion ends with a “enough, I go” (or worse, with punitive silence), the problem is not solved. It will return larger and more annoying than before.
Win the quarrel instead of solving it
It is not a race for those who are right. If your only goal is to “show that you have won”, the report loses. Always.
How to argue without getting hurt (and getting stronger than before)
And now the practical part: How do you discuss without transforming the living room into a boxing ring?
Speaks of you, not the other
If you say “you are always selfish”, the partner closes in Riccio and prepares to defend himself. If instead you say “I feel put aside when this happens”, you talk about your emotions. And emotions are not discussed, they listen to.
Make questions instead of shooting sentences
Instead of “I don’t care about me!”, Try with “How come you acted like this? Is there something I don’t see?”. Maybe the answer will surprise you.
Breathe before responding
I know, when you are angry you want to reply immediately with the readiness of a lawyer in court. But stop, breathe and think before speaking It can save you from phrases that you could regret.
Take a break if you need
If you feel that the quarrel is degenetic, Take a break. Not to ignore the problem, but to calm down. A walk, a glass of water, five minutes of deep breath can make miracles.
Look for solutions, not guilty
At the end of a discussion, try to ask you: What can we do to improve? Because the real goal is not to be right, but find a way to make the relationship work.
Arguing can make you more united (if you do it well)
A conflict is never an end in itself. If you learn to discuss it in the right way, each dispute can become an opportunity to better understand your partner, improve communication and make the relationship more solid. The secret? Do not fight against each other, but together against the problem.
Because in the end, love is not to avoid conflicts, but knowing how to face them. Together.
