A funeral is not always necessary to deal with the pain of a loss. Sometimes losses are silent, invisible to the eyes of those around us, but no less painful for this. We lose people who are still among us, dreams that will never come to fruition, parts of ourselves that, once gone, will never return.
Yet, the pain of these experiences is authentic, even if no one prepares us to face it.
In psychology, we talk about “invisible mourning”: losses that do not always receive the recognition they deserve, but which still leave a deep void. They cannot be seen, they do not have a name or a ritual, yet they profoundly mark those who experience them. These are experiences that are often underestimated or ignored by others, but for those who go through them, the pain is just as real as a more visible loss.
Every loss deserves to be heard, to be taken seriously, to have the space and time to process. Sometimes just a gesture of understanding is enough, a silence that does not judge, a word that validates our feelings.
Here are some of the pains that society tends to ignore, minimize or consider “not serious enough” to be recognized as real grief:
The loss of a pet
When a dog, cat or other animal leaves us, the pain we feel is often minimized by those around us with phrases like “it was just a dog” or “it was just a cat”. But for many, that animal is much more. He is a life partner who has shared moments of loneliness, joy, sadness. He is a figure who loved us unconditionally, who gave us unconditional affection every day. The loss of a pet is not just a physical separation, it is also the end of a very deep emotional bond, which leaves a void that is difficult to fill.
Mourning a broken relationship
Separations, whether marital or friendly, are other forms of mourning that do not find a right place in our collective imagination. If a person physically disappears, mourning is defined and socially recognized. But when a relationship ends, the person suffering isn’t always given the space to express their pain. A marriage that ends, a long friendship that breaks, can leave deep scars, but they are often considered simply life events, without recognition of the void they leave. Detachment is not just a separation of possessions, it is the symbolic death of a bond, of a hope, of a life project that no longer exists.
Mourning for a living person
Another invisible loss is the one we experience when someone we love changes to the point that they are no longer “who we knew”. This happens when a person develops a mental illness, when they face addictions, when a neurodegenerative disease like Alzheimer’s distorts their identity. In these cases, the loss is not physical, but it is equally painful. The person is still there, but he is no longer the same. The face we knew becomes unrecognizable, behavior transforms, and what was once a solid relationship becomes something confusing and blurry. This type of grief is difficult to process because there is no clear end, only a continuous change that leaves the feeling of having lost someone without them actually being gone.
Mourning the loss of a home or a dear place
There are deaths that affect our identity, our bond with the place that welcomed us. Losing your home, being forced to move, suffering an eviction, or even being the victim of a natural disaster that deprives us of our refuge, is a grieving experience that is not always recognized as such. The house is not just a collection of walls and objects, it is the place that holds our memories, our past, our security. When all this disappears, you lose a part of yourself. It is not just about material objects, but about a piece of one’s identity, of one’s roots. It is a mourning that is often experienced in silence, because it is difficult for others to understand how strong the bond that exists with a dear place is.
Unrecognized collective mourning
Some losses are collective, but they don’t always receive the recognition they deserve. Let’s think of those who experience suffering linked to social tragedies, distant wars, environmental disasters. Often these are not events that affect us directly, but which still cause us deep pain. The news of a tragedy, the image of a destroyed city or a population on the run, shake us, but we are rarely allowed to experience this mourning as a real loss. In many cases, we suffer in silence, without the possibility of sharing our pain with others, because there is no funeral, there is no collective rite that marks the end of something. It is a mourning that remains hidden, but which is equally real and painful.
In all these cases, the mourning is invisible, but no less significant. The suffering that comes from a loss that has no name, ritual or closing ceremony deserves to be acknowledged. The pain, sadness and loneliness that derive from these experiences deserve space. Because, in the end, every loss, big or small, is a part of us that is gone.
