Who would have said that talking about others with the partner could be a cure -all for the relationship? We are not talking about becoming the “lords of gossip” of the condominium, but of that domestic rite in which, far from prying ears, two people comment on unlikely looks, wrong phrases at the right time or small scenes seen from the family lunch. According to a study by the University of California – Riverside, this practice can increase happiness and even improve the quality of the relationship. In short, more shared “comments”, more harmony.
Trentotto minutes of gossip per day
To get to these conclusions, the researchers followed 76 couples from Southern California, heterosexual and homosexuals, asking each one to wear a small recorder. No, it was not to spy on them (even if it sounds like this), but to capture random pieces of conversation in their everyday life. After analyzing the recordings, it emerged that on average we spend 38 minutes a day to do gossip. And almost all that time – precisely 29 minutes – we spend it to do it with our sweet half.
And here comes the gem: the woman-woman couples not only hold the record of the minutes of gossip, but they are also the ones that declare the highest quality of relationship. Homosexual couples, in general, report more happiness than heterosexual ones. Perhaps because they know that certain jokes, if said to the right person, are worth more than a thousand “I love you”.
An emotional glue
In this research, gossip has not been treated as a malignant thing. It can be positive, neutral or negative, but its magic lies in the fact that it becomes a secret code. Returning home after a party, there is nothing more natural than to exchange smug looks and phrases in a voice on what we have seen. If the comment is a bit acid, the implicit message is “I and me against the world”; If it is affectionate, the pleasure of the evening is prolonged.
This exchange creates an exclusive emotional territory, a small franca area where complicity is strengthened and establish themselves, without even realizing it, rules and mutual expectations. It is like a game of emotional ping pong: the other responds, relaunches, and in the end both come out more united … and perhaps even a little more amused.
A universal habit, but not as we imagine it
The same researchers, a few years ago, had already dispelled several myths: gossip is not a “monopoly” of women, does not increase with low income and is not always bad. Everyone does it, but the tone changes based on age and experience. Young people tend to be sharp, the most diplomatic adults.
Moral? The couple gossip is like salt in the pasta: if used with the right size, it enhances the flavors and keeps the ingredients together. There is no need to turn into neighborhood detective, just take those minutes to laugh, confide and remember that, in the end, the important thing is to be “accomplices in the same team”.
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