Being together is not enough. In a relationship you need care, listening and the will to grow together. No couple is perfect, but when discomfort becomes constant, maybe it’s time to stop and ask yourself: “Is this relationship good for me or is it hurting me?”
Sometimes it’s just a phase. Other times, though, it’s the end we don’t want to see.
Psychotherapist Jordan Dann, specializing in couple dynamics, has identified 7 precise signs that help you understand when the time has come to let go. And science proves her right.
You spoke sincerely, but nothing has changed
You explained how you feel. You have expressed your needs. You were clear. But your partner doesn’t listen, doesn’t change, or pretends not to understand. It is one of the strongest signs that the relationship is at a standstill.
People often say “I feel alone” or “I don’t feel seen”. But when I ask, “Did you tell him?”, the answer is no. The truth is that honest communication can be scary, but it is the only way to understand if there is room for change.
If you speak sincerely and the wall remains, it’s time to ask yourself if it makes sense to stay.
You don’t really talk to each other anymore
The emotional connection can be seen in small gestures: looking at each other, listening to each other, laughing together. If you no longer tell each other anything, if you avoid sharing what you feel, if you look for excuses to stay away, the distance is not just physical: it is emotional.
The problem is not just the silences, but the fact that you no longer feel free to show yourself as you are. If there is no longer room for emotional intimacy, the relationship is no longer a safe place.
There is no longer desire, and the contact annoys you
We all go through phases where sexuality changes. But if the mere thought of being close to another turns you off, if physical contact annoys you or leaves you indifferent, it’s a sign not to be ignored.
It’s not just about sex: it’s about presence, complicity, attraction. If the body says “no” constantly, perhaps the heart has already made a decision that the mind has difficulty accepting.
You argue often and about everything, without ever resolving anything
Conflicts are normal. But if every discussion ends in anger, sarcasm, long silences, then there is a deeper problem.
What science says
The famous psychologist John Gottman studied couples for years and discovered that four behaviors very accurately predict the failure of a relationship:
Couples who behave like this, according to Gottman, separate in 90% of cases.
If you see yourself in this pattern, it’s likely that the relationship is already in decline.
You often think about another life, or another person
Do you ever think about what your life would be like without your partner? Do you find yourself imagining stories with other people, or a freedom you don’t have now? Happens. But if this thought becomes a constant escape route, it is a wake-up call.
Dreaming of another reality may mean that you no longer find space for yourself in the life you have built with the other. And maybe you’re not really in that relationship anymore.
You don’t trust anymore
Trust can be broken with lies, betrayals or broken promises. When it breaks, rebuilding it is difficult, and not always possible.
Maybe one of the two is really trying. But if the other continues to hide, deny or belittle, the process stops. And staying together without trust is like living on a floor that collapses a little more every day.
You have different dreams, and no one is willing to give up
You want children, he doesn’t. She wants to live abroad, you’re happy where you are. Love alone is not enough when the vision of the future is incompatible.
If staying together means giving up something fundamental to you, it is no longer a compromise: it is a renunciation. And a relationship based on profound sacrifices sooner or later breaks down.
Not every crisis is the end. But some really are
Relationships change, just as we change. But not all crises are meant to be overcome. Sometimes staying means getting lost. Sometimes leaving means choosing yourself.
Ask yourself: “Does this relationship make me grow or turn me off?”
And remember: you deserve a love that makes you feel free, seen and respected.
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