A new phenomenon called Shrekking is depopulating on Tiktok and other social networks, a trend that borrows the name from the famous green ogre protagonist of the animated saga of Shrek. Behind the apparent irony, however, there is a relational dynamic that deserves attention: to choose to go out with people considered “lower” to their standards to feel safe and have greater control in the relationship. A practice that may seem smart, but that actually brings with it more risks than benefits.
What is shrekking
Those who practice shrekking consciously choose to attend partners deemed “below” of their own wishes. The idea is that the other, feeling lucky, is willing to commit more to keep the relationship alive. In this way, those who have chosen to “get off” think they do not have to make too many efforts and to reduce the risk of being left.
But things don’t always go as expected. More and more users tell the bad experience of “coming shrekkati” online, that is, finding themselves downloaded or neglected by those who had been judged less attractive or less interesting. The alleged position of force can thus transform into an unexpected humiliation.
The idea of a hierarchy in the appointments that does not really exist
At the basis of this trend is the belief that there is a clear and universal ranking in love relationships, in which everyone knows and accepts their own place. But reality is much more faded.
The “value” of a person can depend on a thousand factors: physical appearance, work, income, popularity, sports skills, but also character, values and emotional affinities. They are subjective and changing parameters, impossible to reduce to a valid ranking for everyone.
Furthermore, people often have a distorted perception of themselves: there are those who overrated and those who underestimate themselves, making the idea of an objective scale even more fragile. And it should not be forgotten that everything changes: beauty, work, economic conditions, personal priorities. What at the beginning seems “lower” can become more precious over time, and vice versa. When a relationship is based only on an imbalance of power, the risk is that it collapses as soon as that balance moves.
Healthy relationships: respect, sincerity and equality instead of power games
Shrekking, therefore, can also “work” only if both people are aware and willing to accept this dynamic. But the truth is that a relationship built on mutual respect, the sincerity and the search for an equal partner has many more chances of lasting and making both happy.
It is not a question of having control, but of understanding why you feel the need to look for it. Behind the temptation of Shrekking, in fact, the fear of not being up to par, the fear of losing someone or the difficulty in facing a equal relationship, often hides.
As Shrek and Fiona teach us, the strength of a relationship was born from really taking care, without masks or imaginary rankings.
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