In many families the same scene happens: a child who responds with harsh tones, slams the door or ignores you. Sometimes the first reaction is to think “he doesn’t respect me anymore”. But, in most cases, it is not malice or rebellion as an end in itself: it is disordered emotional language.
Children, for example, imitate what they see. If there is tension, yelling or sarcasm in the home, they tend to repeat the same patterns.
In adolescents, however, anger is often a way of defending oneself: it serves to create distance, to feel older and independent. But behind that bravado there is often insecurity, fear of disappointing or a sense of not being understood.
When children become adults, conflicts change shape but do not disappear: old resentments emerge, roles that have never been redefined, relationships that have remained frozen in time. In all these cases, the common thread is the same: the difficulty of communicating one’s needs in a healthy way.
The study: family conflicts and risk of depression in adolescents
Research published in 2025 on BMC Psychologywritten by Yongbo Wang and Wanyun Tang, analyzed 46 studies conducted on more than 31,000 adolescents in different countries. The goal was to understand how conflicts between parents and children affect the mental health of adolescents. The result is clear: when the family climate is dominated by tension, arguments or emotional coldness, the risk of developing depressive symptoms increases.
The study, based on a three-level meta-analysis, showed a moderate positive correlation (r = 0.267) between parent-child conflict and depressed mood. In practice, the more frequent and intense the fights, the higher the probability that the child will feel overwhelmed, anxious or worthless.
The authors explain that this happens because constant conflict undermines the emotional security of children.
An adolescent who perceives the parent as a judge or an adversary, and not as an ally, tends to feel alone, misunderstood, and lose trust in family support. Over time, this sense of isolation can turn into psychological distress, relationship difficulties and depressive symptoms.
But the research also highlights a positive point: not all conflicts are bad. Discussions can even be helpful, if handled with empathy and respect. When parents and children are able to express anger without offending, listening to each other, conflict becomes a space for growth, not destruction.
In other words: it is not the conflict itself that hurts, but the way in which it is experienced.
Children and adolescents: how to respond without losing your temper
When faced with a child who screams or provokes you, the temptation to react in the same way is very strong.
But every time you do it, you make anger the dominant language.
With children:
With teenagers:
When the child is an adult: redefining roles
With an adult child, the relationship is no longer educational but relational. You can’t impose rules, but you can decide which limits not to exceed. Say “I am not willing to accept this tone” It’s not harshness, it’s emotional self-defense.
Always use the first person: “When you talk to me like that, I feel hurt.” This avoids direct accusation and opens the way for a more authentic discussion. Sometimes a sincere phrase is enough to defuse months of resentment: “I would like to understand how we can talk to each other better.”
Remember: every relationship evolves, but mutual respect must remain.
When you need to ask for help
If arguments become too frequent, if you feel you can no longer handle them, asking for support is not a failure.
A family therapist can help rebuild a common language, recognize toxic communication patterns, and restore listening.
It is worth doing if:
Professional help serves to find balance, not to establish blame.
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